Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear .
Just how coach-like are you? One way to tell is to evaluate which side of the following spectrum you tend to operate from when you working and interacting with people. To check your level of self-awareness on these coach-like behaviors, ask your spouse or a close friend to evaluate your performance as well.
Less coach-like More coach-like
telling ----------------------------------------------- asking
closed-minded ---------------------------------- curious-minded
delivery ---------------------------------------------- discovery
Why is coach-like leadership so important? Let`s look at Jesus as we begin to answer that.
Jesus was coach-like in several ways with those he worked with and led. His approach in teaching and working with people was to create self-discovery and "aha" moments in people. He resisted the "teller" approach to teaching and influencing others. For example, he was asked 183 questions and only answered three of them directly!
Instead of "telling" he answered by ignoring, keeping silent, asking a question in return, changing the subject, telling a story, giving a metaphor, telling them it was the wrong question, uncovering the person`s insincerity or hypocrisy, or making a point quite unexpected to the person fishing for a certain answer. One statistician counted 307 questions asked by Jesus when interacting with people. That's what I call "coach-like"!
Tony Stoltzfus in his book Leadership Coaching compares coaching to some of other hats we wear: Mentoring, counseling and discipleship are effective in many ways but their weakness is that they tend to create followers not leaders. When you offer a diagnosis or solution or plan of action, the person you offer it to will tend to follow your counsel instead of lead with their own ideas and creativity. What is needed to develop adult leaders is a method of working with people that pushes them to take responsibility and lead, not follow. That is what coaching can provide for the leader.
The Three-Legged Stool
When describing a basic coaching framework, I like to think of a three-legged stool. This coaching stool has three legs: listening, asking powerful questions, and guiding the process. If you understand and have a basic working knowledge of these three behaviors (combined with a heart that believes that God is at work in the people you are working with and leading), you have something to build on.
1st Leg - Listening: Leading with Your Ears
Listening is hard work! It means getting out of your own head and experience and being present with the other person. It`s about paying attention to what the person is "really" saying not just the words that are coming out of their mouth. Listening is about practicing patience, holding back your solution, staying with the tension, waiting to find a direction instead of giving direction. It is about drawing upon the resourcefulness of the other person and partnering with the Holy Spirit who is at work in the person you are walking beside.
Listeners who pretend interest don’t fool us for long – even though they sometimes fool themselves…Real listeners don’t charm, flatter, provoke or interrupt…They suspend the self and listen (Michael P. Nichols).
2nd Leg - Asking Powerful Questions: Follow up with your tongue
When the crowd was hungry from being outside all day, Jesus knew what the solution was to this massive food shortage. But instead of initiating a miracle right away, he asked Philip a question. "Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?" (John 6:5). This well timed question took Philip to a place he would not have gone had Jesus simply solved the food problem. The question led to the self-discovery of who Jesus really was and the food miracle!
So often, there are opportunities and learning moments waiting for us in our conversations that a well timed open-ended question open the door into.
There are five great reasons to ask questions.
1. Asking questions draws out the information you need from the person you are coaching.
2. Asking questions creates buy-in.
3. Asking questions empowers others in their work.
4. Asking develops leadership capacity.
5. Asking creates authenticity by promoting below the surface reflection and conversation.
3rd Leg - Guiding the Process
Coaching to be effective needs to be intentional and lead to action. That is what the third leg is all about. Coaching relationships will vary from relationship to relationship with some being directive and some much more indirect. But coaching by definition is a change process that can be summarized by the following coaching equation:
X ----> Y by Z
A person moves from where they are (X) to where they want to be (Y) by doing something different (Z) [see Faith Coaching for more on this].
A coaching partnership helps the person travel from where they are to where they want to be (and to where God wants them to be) by a change in some behavior they are doing or not doing. That process of growth is empowered by keen listening and powerful questions which lead to self discovery and transformation. There are many tools available to assist in this process but the heart of this transformation is a person's willingness to do the hard work of reflection, learning and a commitment to action.
If you are hungry for more learning in this area, one place you can go is read Tony Stoltzfus' book Leadership Coaching. The first chapter is online for free if that interests you - click here. Another book I've found helpful with application for using a coach-approach to helping people move forward in their faith journey is Faith Coaching by Hall, Copper and McElveen.
Now What?
1. Go back over the assessment at the beginning of this article and pick out one of the three areas you'd like to grow in. Now pick two actions you will take this week to strengthen that muscle.
2. Ask your spouse or a close friend to give you some feedback on how coach-like you are. Even as you ask for feedback, be conscious of your listening, the type of questions you are asking and your own change journey.
3. Do a study of how Jesus used questions to lead and teach others. Apply to your own ministry what you learn.
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